Every year around this time my wife says these words to me:
We don’t have to do anything special for Valentine’s Day. You show me you love me every day, we don’t need a special day for that.
While I know that this sentiment is sincere, this is dangerous territory for a man. It makes me nervous, like a pop quiz. This kind of statement is in the same family as these:
You don’t have to get me a gift for Christmas, I have plenty.
A toaster would make a wonderful gift, it’s something I’ve needed for a while now.
Potted roses are much better than cut roses. Then we can plant them and enjoy them year after year.
And my personal favorite:
Tell me if I start acting like my mother. (I actually saw this one on a metal sign at Hobby Lobby)
Now, most men I know don’t really know why these types of statements are dangerous, they just get a tingling feeling when they hear them that says, “I better pay attention to this, if I get it wrong, there will be trouble.”
You give these statements respect. Kind of like an elephant. They seem gentle and innocent enough, but you know they outweigh you by a couple of tons and have large tusks.
Who are these buffoons anyway?
If you go down the card aisle at your local store, you get a sense for why marriages and families are failing. It seems that husbands are a bunch of buffoons that take their wives for granted for 364 days and then try to make up for it on Valentine’s Day with a six-dollar pop-up card.
Sorry fellas, this isn’t going to cut it. You need a plan in place to show your wife how much she means to you and you can’t just devise it on February 13th.
You need to make loving your wife a yearlong process and a lifelong ambition.
How does your wife know you love her?
I’ve written before about discovering each other’s love language in a post titled 3 Ways to Keep the Love Tank Full. It has been one of my most popular posts because it reaches a need that we all have.
We want to be loved in a way that feels genuine and authentic to us. We want our spouse to show that they know what makes us tick and what we need to feel appreciated and loved.
If you have never read The Five Love Languages book by Gary Chapman, it is a must-read for anyone who wants to get serious about their relationship. You can find out more about it here and take a quick online test to see what your love language is.
Think about your wife for a moment. Do you know how she feels loved? Do you know what makes her feel like you know how lucky you are to have her? Do you show her each day in big and small ways why you are committed to her?
Relationships take work. Your wife should be a beautiful mystery to you that you want to study and solve and unlock. Keep in mind how you felt when you first started dating. You kept trying to make her happy. You bought gifts, planned dates, cooked meals, changed her oil, washed her car, and helped in any way you could.
Love her every day like you do on Valentine’s Day
Think about this for a moment.
When you stood with your wife before God and those witnesses and made a covenant with you to have and to hold until death do us part it was the most serious and somber thing you had ever done.
Yet we tend to take each other for granted as the years go by.
I challenge you to show your wife how much she means to you each day. Make every day Valentine’s Day. Use kind words that build up. Think before you speak. Do little things that you know she likes.
This is where love is cultivated and blossoms. You alone should have the intimacy to know your wife’s secrets. There are many metaphors in Song of Solomon that refer to your relationship as a garden.
A garden is manicured and well maintained. It is a place of sanctuary and rest. It is filled with wonder and mystery. There are paths to wander along, places of peace and rest, explosions of color and texture, and order amid chaos.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could describe your marriage like this?
Think of one thing you can do the day after Valentine’s Day to show your wife what she means to you. Now do that each day going forward.